On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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