Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
what day is it and did you see me today?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
