Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
