# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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