Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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