he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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