fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
