I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
