How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
