Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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