I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
