OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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