I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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