Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
