Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
