would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
