He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
