She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
