he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
