somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
