thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
