So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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