Sponge bath it is.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
pray to the hookup gods
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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