Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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