Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
