Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
