I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
