I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize