The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize