my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
