at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
