Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
