This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
