Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
