In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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