I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
