how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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