I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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