hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
