I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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