This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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