another moral hangover. fuck.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
