She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
