Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize