i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
time to smoke my breakfast
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
