my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
