...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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