White coat. Heels.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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