They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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