we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the day after is always just damage control
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
