I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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