How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
