You really coming over, don't trick.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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