Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
