So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize