16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
