Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
