i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
