Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
