alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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