I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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