Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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