No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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