guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
