my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
