This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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