She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
two words: eviction party
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
